>Now it's time for our cartoon break!
DIRK: I have you right where I want you, Jake English. You were a merry fool indeed, to have traipsed into the lair of the nefarious...
DIRK: ...
DIRK: ...
DIRK: ...
DIRK: Dirk Dastardly.
JAKE: Never!
DIRK: What? Never what? I didn't make my villainous ultimatum yet. This is your scenario, dude, how do you want it to go?
JAKE: Errr... Oh drat it!
JAKE: Hes trying to confuse my senses with his sinister flapgummery!
JAKE: Keep it together, jake old boy!
DIRK: Ahem. "This is why I will always be able to conquer you. You fall apart like a flighty damsel at the slightest prodding." (Jake, do you understand that your writing style is transparent?)
JAKE: Ha! Thats where youre wrong dirk dastardly! Ill show you by taking your prodding like a man!
DIRK: (No. No he does not.)
DIRK: But Jake. How do you expect to take my prodding like a man...
DIRK: When you're getting dunked in the rainbow substance like a unicorn-themed Dunkaroo.
JAKE: (Ooh great improv!)
DIRK: (Thanks, means so much.)
JAKE: Gee whillikers. If i dont find a way out of this precarious predicament ill be made into a human fondue!
JAKE: And that rainbow substance is no joke in the park... (Argh fuck a duck man that fudged idiom is like nails on a chalkboard. i shouldve caught that one. Sorry.)
DIRK: (No worries man. It's technically accurate. A mysterious rainbow substance is no joke anywhere, least of all the park.)
JAKE: (Yes!)
DIRK: (Why not start from the top?)
JAKE: (Ok!)
JAKE: Gee whillikers. If i dont find a way out of this precarious predicament ill be made into a human fondue!
JAKE: And that rainbow substance is no joke in the park...
JAKE: One fullbodied head to toe dip in that baby will force me to become permanently gay forever!
JAKE: Imagine! From company man to nancy boy! Whatll the fellas at the agency say??
JAKE: And the enigmatic dirk dastardly will surely take me as his prize probably electing to use me as a toy for his amusement on a permanent 24/7 basis or some such.
DIRK: (Which I totally don't already do.)
JAKE: (Ok "heh heh" smartass but in the CONTEXT OF THE FLIPPING STORY??)
DIRK: Ah-heh-hem. "Yes. Now you see the threads of my plan and how they twist together to form the tapestry of your heroic humiliation. Gone will be the days of manly self-control and the retention of se--" (Holy heck. Bit literal for my tastes, there, honey bun.)
JAKE: (Thats the character! Hes repressed and thinks that that is how are things are supposed to be!)
DIRK: (It's kind of cute.) "Gone will be those days and in their place you will be made a coveted treasure of my lascivious indulgence. Sculpted in mind and body to my exact tastes and specifications, so as to further enflame my ardor."
JAKE: You villainous cur! Youll see that justice and good sportsmanship will win out! You may defile my cardio-honed body as many times as you wish but you will NEVER penetrate to my heart! You will never make me truly gay!
DIRK: "We will just have to see about that, won't we? Time to push this conspicuously pink and phallic switch and say sayonara to your straightness."
JAKE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
JAKE: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
JAKE: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
JAKE: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
JAKE: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIRK: Yes. Keep going. More o's.
JAKE: OOOOOOOOOh shit dirk i literally just remembered we havent even booked the venue for the party!
DIRK: Yeah, so? Do you even have to book stuff in a 'city' where over half the land is still open fields and farms?
DIRK: And do we have to cut it off here? When do we get to the actual sex? Were we close?
JAKE: Heavens to betsy do i ever get distracted. Where were we before i flew us out on a one way trip to la la land. It was page uhhh lessee here. Seventeen?
DIRK: Oh my god. You're right. They really go back and forth about this forced gayification stuff for fourteen more pages.
DIRK: Look, I really hate to have to ask this years into our relationship but... since we do this so often, it makes me think...
DIRK: Is this...
DIRK: Is this how you see me? Have I been... forcing you into everything?
JAKE: Hahaha oh heavens no my silly dirk.
JAKE: Im sure it seems like i have more issues than a dang broadsheet newsypaper.
DIRK: Nope. Not sure anybody who grew up in a heavily mediatized environment escaped this stuff, I know I didn't. Do you remember how it used to be? I wouldn't even CALL myself gay. I just assumed that real life didn't apply to me.
DIRK: And then I met you and... bein' gay became kind of a real thing, instead of an antediluvian abstraction. Heh.
JAKE: (Grins broadly) You sure know how to perk a guy up.
JAKE: Anyways yeah to sum it all up it kind of feels nice to have someone push me stubborn mule that i am in the general direction of what i already want.
DIRK: Oh yeah. How do I keep forgetting that.
DIRK: Anyway, I'm making an executive decision. Sure, the premise is a little "Deviantart", but I think I'm down for 14 pages of forced gayification to start with.
DIRK: Priorities. Nah mean?
JAKE: Im ok with that. Whats Deviantart?
DIRK: Oh, it is this place online where deviants may publish their art and have it viewed by their ilk.
JAKE: And youre ok with me being a little...
JAKE: ...Deviant, then?
DIRK: Believe me. It's a charm point. Moé up the butt.
JAKE: Cool! I like it up the butt.
DIRK: Hey, me too! We should date.
DIRK: Mind if I take the villain mustache off?
JAKE: The mustache stays on dammit!! At least for a little bit?
DIRK: As you wish.